Dreams and Ambitions

Plain and simply, Life is too short. 

Life is too short to do everything we hope, dream and think of. Imagine if we could accomplish everything we've ever dreamed of since we were three years old.

When I was younger, my dream was to be a dolphin trainer, or at least swim with dolphins. And at the delightful age of sixteen, I accomplished my childhood dream. 

My other ambition was to get accepted and attend University. At the subtle age of eighteen, I achieved this and started my degree at Loughborough University. 

So what now? 

What else do I have to achieve? Without ambition, where would I be?

So I've sat down and created my list of ambitions and dreams for the next ten or so years. 

In simple terms, I just want to travel; as far and as wide as I can. I want to cover the breadths of the earth, exploring new cultures and meeting people along every step of the way. Obviously, this is ridiculously vague so I've got a list:

• Work at Disney World
• Inter-rail
• Work at Camp America
• Volunteer i.e. in an animal refuge or building schools
• Road Trips: America, Europe and Australia
• Visit Australia 
• Visit more areas of Britain
• Visit the Nordic region (See the northern lights!)

Once again, some of these are still very vague and also generic. But these sum up what I hope to experience and cover in the next ten or so years. As a result of being stuck in the education system for the entity of my entire life, I am itching for freedom and experience. 

Don't get me wrong, university is possibly the best thing I have ever experienced and I do not want it to end. But then again, I can't wait to earn some money and let a plane take me wherever I want to be. 

Life is too short to let little things get in the way of your happiness. Do what makes you happy. 

February

February. Oh February. I cannot wait to see the back of you. You have given me some of the best, and worst, memories and feelings of my whole entire life. I don't know what to make of you if I am honest.

February has been an interesting one and yes, I do realise it is not yet over! But since the very beginning of February my life has taken twists and turns that have thrown me into emotional storms and spat me back out again. 

Don't get me wrong. I have had an absolute blast. I have had plenty of stupidly drunk nights, I've travelled to Amsterdam with some of the best people and experienced things that I never thought I would. But it hasn't all been pretty. I've learnt that people aren't always who they seem and to not let my guard down easily to those I think I can trust. 

Throwback to a month ago and I would have never imagined any of these things happening. I've let my guard down more than I should have but regret absolutely nothing, surprisingly. At the end of the day, I believe everything happens for a reason. If things are meant to be, they will be. You can't change fate for anyone unfortunately. And if that means people treating me like an absolute fool, I guess I'll take it. 

The end of January saw a change in my ordinary manner. I let my guard down for someone I thought dearly of, and then did it again and again and again. Truth is, I'll pretty much do anything for the people I care for and think highly of. I'm an emotional person and I get attached to those who show affection and care. It had been a while since anyone had shown me that amount of affection and sincerity and I fell pretty much instantly. 

Things haven't turned out how I wished. But it's just another learning curve, right? Once again, my favourite quote comes into play: 

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” - Marilyn Monroe

This quote could not be more appropriate right now. I think I need to have it printed on my wall, just to remind me each day!

Why so serious?

I am often told that I look 'too serious'. Apparently I walk around looking rather disgruntled and upset. The actual reason behind my serious appearance is that I'm deep in thought. 

I spend the majority of my days day dreaming: imagining situations, thinking about people and dwelling on past events. I often find myself lost in thought mid conversation with people, causing myself to look rather ignorant. 

I am one of those people who think way too much about things. I over-think everything: people's messages, behaviours and actions. For some strange reason my mind wants me to believe that a month of talking and flirtatious behaviour means someone actually likes me. When in fact it means nothing of the sort...apparently. 

The reason behind my thoughts is that I care far too much. I believe that the people who flood my mind are the people I deeply care for. I fear that one day, the people who fill my mind with emotion, won't be there in the future to drown my conscious self with the feelings I feel now. 

One minute, I will be completely focused in a lecture. The next, I'm causing my eyes to burn with emotion through the thought of an action. "But how do they feel?" "Do they feel the same?" "Why did they do that?" Every question has a million and one answers. 

My mind disallows me to believe what I feel is right. Every possible solution or answer has a loop hole: nothing is ever simple. 

But don't get me wrong. My jungle of a mind can sometimes create positive thoughts which stay with me. I wake up from dreams and smile as if reality is somewhat more bearable. Sometimes my thought make the see the best in people, "perhaps they aren't as bad as they once seemed?".

At the end of the day, people aren't always what they seem. Your mind can convince you that they are the complete opposite of who they truly are. They can act like a total idiot to you and you still think the sun shines out their arse (pardon my French)Trust me, it has happened to me. 

But the main thing is to try and stay true to who you are. If someone cannot make the effort to be in your life, they do not deserve to be a part of it. Do not change yourself and alter your life for them. Simple. 

Goodbye 2014. Hello 2015.

If you had asked me what I thought of the year 2014 during the year 2014 I would have answered with a simple Rubbish. But looking back has completely changed my perspective...

I felt like very little was accomplished during the year, however retrospective thoughts present otherwise. I have accomplished more than I ever could have imagined: I passed my a-level exams with decent grades and got into my first choice university.

I travelled to London, Paris, Belgium and Amsterdam with some of my closest friends. From touring Parliament to climbing the Eiffel tower, I accomplished things I never thought I would. Oh, how could I forget my trip to Orlando, Florida! I cannot even begin to explain how happy that place made me; the things I would do to go back! 

2014 may not have been the year I expected but it turned out to be one of the best years of my life. I feel as if I am finally discovering myself as an individual. 

So what does 2015 bring for me?

Well at the minute I have absolutely nothing planned for this year. So, I'm hoping this year brings spontaneous adventures, friendships and happiness. 

Resolutions?

My main resolution is to be happy and healthy. Every single year I make the promise to myself that this time next year I'll look like a Victoria's Secret model. I'm determined to increase my fitness and decrease my waistline at the same time. But most of all to feel confident in myself.

I want to be more spontaneous and adventurous. I want to travel more with friends and see parts of the world that I could only dream of. Obviously with a student bank account this may be limited but we'll see what happens! 

Lastly, friendships. I want to spend more time laughing my nights away with endless amounts of food with the best people in my life. I don't put enough time into the relationships that really matter to me and have been there from the start.

I hope 2015 brings you all the happiness in the world! Happy new year! 

x